Intake

So you have to love the Mr. Forty amirite? He’s posting these beautiful spiritually insightful thoughts about the magnitude of becoming parents and the legacy that we leave and the responsibilities we must accept. Me? I’m telling you that my boobs are sore and that I just want to sleep all the time. We, uh, we balance each other out. I did go to the doctor today, I figure that’s noteworthy. It was called an “intake visit” which for some reason keeps bringing up a vision of a large pipe near an indoor pool… after hours.  Kind of like the place where Moriarty confronts Sherlock. I should preface this with the fact that I am a big Sherlock fan… no wait… that’s not the preface. The preface is that I am not a fan of modern medicine.  I’m not good at being helpless. I always like to find some way that I can contribute or be proactive in my own well-being. I find that modern medicine often expects (and sometimes requires) a passive patient. I’m a lot of things, but I am not passive. And frankly, there’s nothing more active in the entire world than the act of giving birth. That’s a full contact sport if ever there was one.  Yet, I hear stories from my girlfriends of very passive expectations of the birth process. Fortunately, all of their stories have happy endings with the arrival of beautiful, healthy, strong babies, but I still hear the story in between the stories. Stories that are peppered with “I told them something wasn’t right,” “I don’t really think they had to do that, but it was safer,” “Well, it was taking long so they went ahead with a Cesarean.” Those kinds of things make my blood boil.  I get it too, I really do. We’re a litigious society and obstetrics is an emotionally fraught specialty and the only one where you can lose two patients in one moment. I understand erring on the side of caution. But sometimes the erring is just that – an error. Harm can be done when one interferes too much with the process. The human body is an amazing thing. And maybe that’s the problem too. For instance, I know my body really well.  Maybe more than most women, I don’t know, I don’t live in their bodies. But I knew somethin’ in my girl parts was different a week after what I’ve realized was our conception date. To that, I would really like a birth plan that leaves nature to its own devices. I’m going natural and I’m pretty sure I’m going to be just fine. Oh you? You rolling your eyes, yeah you! And you? Laughing, yeah you! Hey ladies, let me ask you this, How many kidney stones have you passed? How many of them should have required surgery? How many stents have you had in your urethra? How many corneas have you ulcerated? Here’s the thing. I’ve passed (to date) about five or six kidney stones (I’ve honestly lost real count) and I’ve had surgery to remove two. (Hence, I’ve had two stents in my urethra for about two weeks after each surgery – it’s as pleasant as you might imagine).  I’ve also ulcerated both of my corneas. Once from a bad contact, once from bad contact solution. These conditions are known as “acute” pain. Childbirth is often placed in context of these two highly visceral pains. So I’ve had acute pain and I know how to manage it. I...