One more thing…

So I haven’t posted jack-my-mamma-crap on this blog. I’m a terrible baby house. I was all excited about having a place to share my thoughts through this experience and what I have found is that this experience has left me with monosyllabic responses to most things…

“Ms. Forty, how are you feeling?”

“Uh, good?”

“Ms. Forty, have you picked out a name?”

“Uh, we call it baby.”

“Ms. Forty, you look tired.”

“Uh, fuck you.”

“Ms. Forty, you fell asleep on the couch again, would you like to go to our bed?”

“Uh, bats are in the tub and I have no checks.”

(It’s best not to wake me up and expect anything logical to ensue).

Still with the tired, made more tired by a month that would make an Olympic athlete tired, I look back and realize I’ve been all over the place (literally). Critter flew more this month than I did in my first three years.  He even went to Panama this month – which I will get to in a moment and I’m sure this post will never be reposted by the Panamanian Tourism Authority, not that I really care.

Work has been overwhelming. Suddenly, for the first time in my life, I’m too exhausted most of the time to get excited about what I’m doing. Which is a shame, because on paper, my job has utterly kicked ass this month. I’ve traveled abroad, I’ve met interesting people, I’ve launched huge initiatives, I’ve taken naps under my desk…

Everybody keeps telling me that I’ll get more energy now that I’m in my second trimester. I’m rocking week 16 and this avocado inside me is not producing any energy. I hate to say it, but I still would smack a bitch for a nap.

Which makes me sound terribly redundant, which is probably why I’m not posting much. I mean for fuck’s sake, one can only read about tired pregnant lady for so long…

So here are some things that have happened that have nothing to do with being tired:

• During my trip to Panama, the Mayor of our town came with us. He was pleased when I told him I was personally making more Democrats for our voter base. That was a nice moment.
• Several times I realized I was the only one who was aware what was going on at work this month and the fact that I was also making life officially made me a superhero.
• Panama is a country I never wish to visit again under any circumstances and maybe it’s because I was pregnant but seriously, I’m over that place.
• They do have a kick ass ceviche.
• I’m probably not supposed to eat ceviche, but you know what, I’m also probably not supposed to spend days dealing with uncooperative Panamanians who don’t do anything they say they’re going to do either.
• During dinner one night I realized my only status at the table was that I was pregnant. This was confusing and disheartening as I am used to contributing significant insight and observations in my industry. Now I have been reduced to, “When are you going to have another one?”
• That is a really horrible question on so many levels, I have no idea where to begin. But you entertain all sorts of horrible questions when you’re pregnant and you endure people (even people you like) touching you, so you know, you roll with it.
• Turns out, when you tell a table of Panamanians that, due to your age, and the fact that Critter is draining every drop of life from your body you will be exploring adoption possibilities in the future (totally true and a post for later I’m sure), you realize that Panamanians have a very negative opinion of adoption and they don’t mind sharing it with you.
• I don’t like Panamanians.
• And finally, when leaving the country (at all but a giddy sprint), I was patted down by Panamanian security at the Tocumen Airport. When the woman went over my belly she looked me dead in the eye and said “Chichos.”  My Spanish is passable, and all I could think was, “Well, that’s a new one for pregnant, I’ll have to look that one up.” I smiled and said, “Si, gracias.”  Chichos, ladies and gentlemen, means “fat rolls.”
• I hate that goddamn country.

So there’s that exciting trip in a nutshell.

I also managed, with Herculean help from Mr. Forty, to get the house decorated for Christmas. It was our first tree in so many years we couldn’t remember, and our first tree together. Hard to believe that Mr. Forty and I are only spending our second Christmas together as a couple. Of course, 20 years of friendship prior and we had always exchanged phone calls, emails, IMs, texts, and Skype on Christmas, but it is worth noting.  We had Christmas in our new house, and all the family came to us.

They were greeted by our ever-so-classy outdoor holiday decor. I had a vision of a bungalow wonderland, with white twinkling lights, and small illuminated trees and garland placed about the front porch. Mr. Forty advocated for it being his first “Florida Christmas” and instead we have illuminated flamingos in Santa hats, an alligator holding Christmas lights, and multicolored large bulbed strings outlining the porch.

I will grant you, it is whimsical.

I adore our first tree. It smells nice and it is just the right size and it’s colorful and adorable. The cats don’t climb it and the dogs don’t drink water out of it, so it’s a success on all levels.

The family loved the house, they all fit in it, and Mr. Forty and I produced a kick ass Christmas dinner of every imaginable creature from the sea.  From a low country boil, to crab legs, ceviche (made better than any Panamanian attempt with the addition of carambola from our backyard tree), and various apps and dips that I have, over the years, taken from Southern Living magazines and memorized. (You never know when people will show up unannounced and you have ten minutes to make a dip – and other Southern First World Problems).

I also introduced Mr. Forty’s clan to monkey bread. Sad they have gone this long without it.

And Critter got spoiled like mad. He has many onesies and books, and his first Sophia the Giraffe (which is like teething crack I hear).

I got a very special gift from my mom, but I’m gonna save that for another post. A post that isn’t about being tired.

Did I do okay? Was this post at least a little interesting? I sure as shit hope so, because now I need a nap.