The First Purchases

Well, we’ve done it. We’ve started outfitting. There’s little to report. It was painless, even fun.  I think the only issue I’m having is with the registry. I hate registries, but that’s not the problem. The problem is that everyone seems to be saying “ask for lots of diapers!” but we don’t know which diapers we’ll like, which ones will fit Critter best, how long he’ll be in a given size, or even the rate at which diapers will be … consumed. Which reminds me: the dogs love poop. If they get their grubby little paws on a used diaper, the consequences will be dire.  Anyway, this is a reminder that it’s an organic process. The child is not a mechanism. He doesn’t have standardized parts or behaviors. All that makes planning, other than in a very broad sense, almost impossible....

Efforting

It’s one of those idiotic corporate-speak words, “efforting.” As in, “Efforting is being made to show an improvement in negative profitability by inverse hiring.” Truly, it’s a magical, stupid language, something that should be preserved for all time as an example of the frailty of human enterprise. Anyway, I’m not here to talk about vacuum-brained corporate drones. Just a brief observation tonight: it seems like my entire existence these days – and I mean this in an entirely positive way – is based on scouring my brain for anything that has ever given me pleasure or reduced pain in order to combat the myriad tweaks and discomforts that comprise Ms’ current existence.  I mean, she’s not, or doesn’t seem to be, a walking pile of fail or anything. She’s remarkably fit, limber, and energetic. For anyone, I mean, not just for a pregnant woman. But she’s suffering any of a number of system failures these days. Low blood pressure? Tingly sensation around her solar plexus? Foot pain? It sends me into this overdrive mode of “Ok, I need to fix this NOW!” She noted last night that I’ve become awfully protective lately. And it’s true. She doesn’t need protecting. She’s tougher than I am in every way. But I figure we’re dealing with some pretty hard-coded genetic imperatives here.  It makes me chuckle. Now off to figure out whether Tiger Balm will give our baby...

Nearly halfway

Things we haven’t done: Cleared out the box room that will be Critter’s room Settled on a name for Critter Critter-proofed the house Purchased any Critter infrastructure Felt Critter move (that would be a surprise, though Ms spends a noteworthy amount of time prodding her baby factory trying to irritate Critter into moving … I’ll note this is behavior that Ms specifically requested I not perform on the dogs several months ago) Found a suitable date for any sort of getaway (or, hork, “babymoon”) I think we can clean out the box room in a weekend. And buying the majority of infrastructure can happen in a day once we get to that point. Ugh. Don’t get me wrong: it’s all very exciting. Truly.  But there’s definitely stuff to do, and we’re approaching the time when we start accelerating towards the finish (start?) line faster and faster.  No pressure! My brain isn’t working well tonight. I was sick for a pretty good chunk of the last week, and today is the first day I’ve felt really 100% for a while. Thing is, I’ve been saying that for several days now, only to realize the next day that I was not, in fact, 100%.  Imma just sit here and drool a...